In this episode, I'm sharing some tips on how to ask for what you want in your workplace, whether that's a goal that you want to achieve, something you need, a perspective you want included, anything you need in the organization, in your business, in your life, how to ask for it effectively so that you get it. In a recent upskill Live, we talked about challenges that individuals were having with communication in the workplace, and one of the questions we asked of leaders and entrepreneurs in the session was, what are the problems? What are the specific problems you are having at work when it comes to communication? One young executive by the name of Emilio came forward and asked the question, how do I, how do I ask my supervisor, leader, manager, how do I ask the person that I report to? For more meaningful work to stop giving me mundane, boring, redundant work that really does not leverage the skills and abilities that I bring to the organization, even though I know he has a lot of this work that he needs to get done. I don't actually want to do this. There is something else I want to do and he does not even have it on his agenda. How do I go forward and say, this work, which is important to you, is boring me to death. I don't want to do it. I want to do something else. That's the question Emelia posed and we took time to break down how Emelia may best approach his boss and share how he was feeling. In this episode, I'm going to talk to you about the five Ws and NH for communicating effectively in your workplace. And in particular, I'm going to talk about how to ask for what you need in the workplace. Come with me. Welcome to Upskill Talks, I'm your host, Michelle Shaw, lead Upskill at Upskill Community. Upskill Talks is a podcast for leaders, leaders who are actively seeking innovative and creative ways to interact. Lead themselves and others in every episode through real life stories and enlightening conversations, we will explore the challenges and opportunities real leaders face in today's everchanging workplace. We will present you with real strategies. For you to leverage your soft skills and produce transformative results. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let us begin. So five Ws, and then H. Let's start with where the first W. You can put the WS in any order. I'm choosing where to begin because where you are really significantly matters for how you go about this. Context matters. You have to be able to evaluate the readiness of your organization, team or leader to address your needs, your goals, your experiences, your feelings. You need good judgment to do this, not just what people say, but observe them in so many other ways. Rely on additional forms of information to make the decision about where. That means is this even an organization where your needs, your goals, your ideas, your feelings will be considered. So that is the first thing where no one size fits all. Are you in an organization that's flexible enough to say, I understand that these mundane tasks are not what you want to do. I'm going to ensure that you have more meaningful work. Here's how, let's sit down and co-create a work plan that involves some of this essential work that we have to get off the plate indeed, as well as some work that you may consider to be more meaningful for you. Sometimes it's not a either or, it's how can we leverage both of these two? Benefit both you and the organization at the same time. Let's take a look at the second W who the right person, the right time. At the right place, under the right conditions for the right reason, with the right intention, in the right way, with the right tone, the right attitude, the right approach. Make sure you are applying all of that to the right person. And if there are more than one, That needs to be considered. Make sure you consider the order in which you are having this conversation. In more hierarchical environments, the order in which you speak to people, very, very important. In some organizations, even that appear to be flat, there is a rank order and in organizations that are actually flat, Sometimes you have to be strategic about the order in which you approach people to get your goals addressed. You could go the wrong order and it gets dead on arrival. Even when it had a really good chance. So who should you be talking to about this is going to be important. Perhaps the first person you speak to is not the person who is the decision maker on this, but someone who knows the decision maker very well and can provide you guidance on how to approach this potholes. You don't want to step into landmines, you don't wanna step on. How to approach this strategically to address the needs and to make sure that you have a meeting of the eye. You may have a meeting of the mind, rather, you may have this person able to say to you, this is not a good day. There are a lot of things happening in the background. Come back at another time. You'll have this person in a better mood, a better space to engage with you on this topic. There may be someone else who says, no point in going around that right now. This person is transitioning out of the organization. This person is going to take on a new role. This person has no budget, is under a lot of pressure. Sometimes it's not just the person that you need to bring the conversation to that you need to speak to. So consider, who should I be speaking to about this? Is someone gonna coach you and say, Pitch your idea to me. Let me hear about it. Let me see if this idea is ready to go to the person who has the decision making capabilities. Sometimes we go to the right person at the wrong time, with the wrong preparation, with the wrong background, and then we lose the opportunity and we also tarnish our credibility because. We did not take the necessary steps. We're not adequately prepared, and therefore impacts our ability to get this done at a later time. So when we are thinking about the five Ws and nh, think about whom should you be speaking to? Not just the decision maker. So maybe Emilio shouldn't go directly to his manager and say, Hey, I wanna, I wanna do something more meaningful than these mundane tasks. Perhaps there are other people in the organization that can shed a light on why this is happening this way. These tasks are going to be coming off the plate in six months. Can you beer that? Perhaps this is not a time to have the conversation then. Make sure you're clear on that and that you have the context, that you have the support, and that you are getting feedback or feelers to support you to approach your decision maker. The third W is what now that you know, where you make sure that where you are is a place that will even facilitate, entertain your ideas, you, your goals, your needs, you are clear on that. The context is right. You know who you need to go to, whom you need to speak to. And now we're gonna talk about what, what are you going to say? What are you going to articulate? And so it is important when we're thinking about what, that you come really clear. Get very clear. Don't go in muffled up. Write it down, type it out however you do it. Say it to your device and have it talk to text. Get clear on what you're going to say. Ensure that the time that you're speaking to the decision maker is not the first time. These ideas are being articulated by you. Practice. Listen to yourself, make sure it's clear. I suggested having someone else listen to your ideas to see if they make sense, if they hit the points that need to be hit. Before you go to a decision maker, you really wanna be clear on what the needs are. What are your goals? What are your challenges? What are your ideas? What's the perspective? What is your value proposition? Why should they listen to you? These are important things that you need to have mapped out. Before you enter the conversation, get super clear. If it's a goal that you have, that you want to get support on, you want them to consider. Make it smart, specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. If it's a challenge, make sure it's clear that they understand the details of this challenge and how it's impacting you, your work, the organization, and any other person. Whatever it is, get clear on it. Filter out the noise, and make sure that your message is clear. How can this idea, solution, innovation, benefit to the organization? It's really important when you're getting clear about what this is, that you de-center yourself. It is about your goals, but you have to think about the interdependency of you and the organization. How will it add value to the organization? If it's a change in a process or something, how does it support or continue to support the organization's values? You have to think about this. If this is something that you're pitching, how will they know that this benefits the organization? Should they take a chance on you and say, yes. Why should your idea be considered over a trillion? Other ideas that come over to them on a daily basis? You've got to justify, provide a proper rationale, for your idea versus any other idea why yours specifically, and also think about. The timing of it. It's really important that when you come in to discuss this challenge, to have your decision maker listen to you, that you remove or reduce the evidence of emotions. Unless they're positive ego, really try to check it. Attitude. Challenges. You know, sometimes we have an attitude about something. Try to manage that. The entitlement mentality, try to manage that. Not going in thinking, I better have this, I am entitled to this. I should have had this long ago. But really going in, being prepared to negotiate, being prepared to leave some room, taking an approach that's collaborative, that is positive. Providing options that are reasonable, that are quite achievable, leaving room to negotiate so the decision maker doesn't feel backed into a corner, given some degree, perhaps talking about the pace, a range instead of something very specific, just. Leaving room for negotiation, leaving room for somebody else's ego to come into the space too. You're not the only one that has desires, emotions, and egos. So if you're going to negotiate a price, you know, instead of saying it has to be$10 or I'm not taking it, say, can we meet somewhere between eight and$12? That gives someone a chance to have a play and have a say, and you're more likely to have them feel like they're. Participating in a negotiation and to support you. Really make sure that what you are pitching, what you are presenting is mutually beneficial. There's interest for the organization as well as you, and more than anything else, make sure when you decide to go in is not the day that you're absolutely desperate at your wits and, and can't cope anymore. Your bucket is full and you just walk into your decision maker and overflow. Make sure you're managing your emotional state and make sure you're going in when you're feeling com comfortable, confident, calm, and able to negotiate and pitch. At your best, that is what to do. The fourth why is when? When should you do this? Well, that depends. If you're new to the organization, if you are in the interview process, if you are are about to get in, that's when sooner rather than later. If it's a non-negotiable, the answer is now. When do you do your non-negotiables? Right up front in the interview process, in the negotiation process to get in. If you're advancing your career and it's time to go to the next place, if certain benefits or income are important to you, if certain kinds of meaningful work are important to you, negotiate them at that milestone, at that breakpoint, at that junction. None negotiables need to be negotiated at all times, but those are more urgent than things that we want to get done. Eventually. They're part of our development plan or some new ideas. For instance, if you have a family issue, It is someone who is not considered under the nuclear family, maybe a very close neighbor or friend who doesn't fit under that, but you want that consideration. That's a now thing. That's not something that can wait. So there are situations like those urgent emergency situations that you have to deal with it right away. Don't delay. There are other cases though, where it's important for you to be considerate and strategic in how you address it, in how you go about it, and choosing an appropriate time. For instance, if you are looking for funding to do something and you know it's gonna come to the end of the financial year, you probably wanna find out if there are additional funds to deal with it before the budget, before they close out the financial year. Or when they're planning the budget for the following year. Those are sometimes that we have to be strategic about time, however, The bottom line is a lot of the requests that we have in an organization, we are asking those requests cold. That means your decision maker has never heard anything, doesn't know you have an interest in this, cannot imagine you are, picture you in this area and you just come like someone knocking on the door cold that they've never seen. If they're not seeing you in the neighborhood, never seen you lift a finger, never seen you on a project, never seen you help out, never seen you volunteer anytime, never seen any of this interest from you, then you're knocking cold. So sometimes it's better to ask warm. That means help out volunteer time, show up, produce something, do something. Provide a little peace to show them, to warm them up to the idea that this is someone who is interested in this. So then it's better to ask after you get into the warm zone than sitting in the cold zone asking something. If you're on a team and you would like to lead the team and they've never seen you, Do anything to mentor, support a teammate, help out, do anything extra, you're probably cold. You need to warm that up. Start by mentoring, start supporting, start asking, start leading, so then you are warm and really they're assigning you a role that you are already performing in as opposed to wondering. I'm not sure if this person has it in them to lead it, but that you have already warmed them up by showcasing, and this is where I say never state something that you have an opportunity to demonstrate. If you can demonstrate it and you have time to demonstrate it, and the skills and capacity to demonstrate that, go ahead and demonstrate that. That means when you go, you're going warm to the table. So those are some of the things to consider, and if necessary, get support. Get coaching, practice in your mural, record it and listen to yourself. Test it before you go in and ask. Ask. Also when the other person is ready to receive, prepare the ground before you plant the seed. No point in choosing the best seeds and throw them on rocky ground. Make sure that the seed that you have is the kind of seed that will bear fruit, the type of soil that you have. Sometimes you need to test the seed to see if it'll grow in this environment. Like when you buy a new product for your skin and it says, test it on a part of your skin that's not really sensitive yet before you put it all over your skin. Think about that concept of doing something in a small bite with the decision maker from time to time before you throw everything on cold. Do the warm work. That's when, when, when it's not so consequential, when, when it's strategic to do so, when, when you have built that relationship, prepared that person to hear from you. When you have warmed it up, that's when the final why is, why. What is the reason? What is the reason you want to get clear on this? For one, asking for what you want in the workplace in any relationship is a great skill to develop. It's an important pattern to establish whether you're at work, at home, in the community here, there, or anywhere. One. It says that you know your needs, you know your emotions, you know your goals. You know who you are. You're self-aware and you're goal-oriented. You know how to go after it, and you are willing to go after it. That's one. Number two, it means you need to take time and you're willing to take the time to clarify that what you want to articulate, what you're going to ask for. It's really what you need. It's really what's right for you. You need to take time to ensure that you're asking for something that you actually need and that's actually gonna move you forward. Then take time to clarify it and be clear about how you communicate it. This is important, and three, once you've done that, going to your decision maker is important, not just to say, this is what I'd like, but also to get support in identifying resources, financial resources, human resources, whatever resources you need to help you make this happen. And four, this is a very important skill. Developing the ability to advocate for yourself, to advocate for yourself is key because we cannot always rely on others to advocate for us, and you are the one who best knows you, and you are the one best capable of advocating for yourself in these situations. If you need support to advocate for yourself, don't be afraid to do that too. Don't be afraid to do that, but even when someone else is, Willing to support advocacy for you. They need your partnership to articulate clearly what it is that you need so they don't go and advocate for something that doesn't support you and goes off on their own agenda. So you need to be a partner as a minimum in any advocacy that supports you and that is for you. And finally, when you know what you want. When you are willing to ask for what you want, when you're willing to get support and resources, To help you get on this and you're advocating for yourself, and then you have to ensure that you follow through. If you say you're going to do something, that you deliver on it and that you are persistent, that you deal with the. Ups and downs of the journey and that you get through it here, there, or anywhere. Why is it important to ask for what you want? You set a pattern, you set a tone. You teach people that you know who you are and you know what you want, and you're going to ask for it. It'll teach them how to treat you. It will teach them how to negotiate with with you. It will teach them how to make space for you. It will teach them. That you know who you are and you know how you show up and you know what you deserve and you're willing to work hard for it. And you will ask for it and you will advocate for it, and you will articulate for it. And this is very important for you to achieve your goal when everybody else around you has a competing goal that they want. So must ask for it. So thank you Emilio, for coming forward and sharing this question with us so that we can explore this together. And now, One last point. We've talked about the five Ws, and now let's talk about the how. Sometimes asking for what you want is very risky business, and that's why you need to make sure you design your own process for doing it and to be flexible as situations change. John Gottman. Shared a relationship ratio, which I think you can use to help you to navigate this space cuz some people are afraid of taking this risk to ask for what they want. And if you are afraid to take the risk of asking for what you want, you are taking another risk. The risk of living with what you don't want. And so this is very important that you step out of your comfort zone and take this risk. The relationship formula by John Gottman can help you. It says for five. Positive interactions, you're okay with one negative interaction. So if taking this risk, if asking this question may feel like a negative thing for you, add five positive interactions to that relationship, and that means you're still on track in your relationship. So for every negative thing you do, five, to help you bring that back into balance. If risks taken around asking for what you really want feels hard. Go ahead and do it, and then add five wonderful things to that. The other thing that makes us challenged by asking the questions we have the questions. We know what to ask. It's also the fear of getting rejected. What if they say no? So what if they say no? What if they say no? You don't have it now. So the worst case scenario, you remain in the condition that you're in now. You haven't lost anything. So the risk is that you could have a better outcome. That's pretty much the risk. So depending on the type of question, cuz there's a question you could ask and it could take you back further from where you are. But in most cases we are no worse off than we are by asking the question. So let's look at that. Many years ago I had a sales career and did a lot of sales training, and one of the keys was helping sales leaders handle no. And we always say no means no when it comes to personal space, but when we're negotiating deals, when we are. Asking questions to improve our careers, to set our goals, to get our needs addressed, to get support or resources, then we need to break down the DNA of a no. And I'm going to help you to understand just a couple things to think about when you hear no, when you go and ask your boss, your decision maker to support you with your goals or needs, and they say no. What could that no mean? That no could mean many things. It could mean. Let's negotiate. It could mean not right now, meaning I'm not in the space to engage with this right now. Ah, the timing is wrong right now. I cannot even take that on board right now. I am swamped. It could mean not here. This is the wrong place. This is the wrong time for us to even have this conversation. It could mean not this, not the specific goal you have in mind. In mind as you articulated it or as you communicated it, it could mean it's an opportunity to refine it, revise it, reframe it, realign it. It could mean not for the reason that you've come forward, which means it doesn't align with our strategy. It doesn't align with our vision. It doesn't align with where the organization is going. So go and revisit that and reframe it in alignment with where we are going. It could mean. Not exactly how you envision it, meaning this is an opportunity for you to consider when you are going to speak to your boss to do scenario mapping, scenario one, scenario two, scenario three, or here are some options. One option. I could do this. One option, you could provide me this. Another option this could happen. Provide options so that it may not land exactly as you envision it, but you're giving yourself space to get a yes. Another way that no could manifest itself is no, you have no proof of concept and we want a proof of concept, and this is your opportunity to demonstrate that this works, to test it, to pilot it, to create a prototype, to get some feedback on it, to try it out and prove that this is the concept, this is how it would work at this small level. It's also no, could mean I'm not sure about you. I'm not sure that you either, that you will actually go through on this if I committed this or that. You are the right person to do this. This is a question of you in the you directly and that could mean you've not yet demonstrated your skills. You have not demonstrated your confidence, you have not demonstrated your flexibility, your commitment to the organization. You have not yet confirmed that you're worthy of the investment. You have Not yet. Done the work to demonstrate who you are, what your value proposition is, that you bring these particular assets to the table and you're asking before you have demonstrated. This comes back to what I said earlier, which is warm up and don't do cold. Don't do cold asks. Make your asks warm by demonstrating your commitment. Your values, your alignment to strategy, your willingness to support yourself as a key resource within the organization. That's a warm ask from that position. A cold position. No proof of concept. No idea who you are. No understanding of what you actually bring. That's a cold place. Get your relationships going. Make that furl, that soil fertile. Nurturing and cultivating is critical to allow you to land your question with your decision maker. In a way that makes them a fertile soil for the seed that you're about to plant. So I've taken time to walk you through the five Ws and NH for asking for what you want in the workplace. These same strategies help you for asking for what you want in your relationships. In financial situations, in your community anywhere, what is important for you to know is that there are people who ask, they shoot from the hip, they pull it out, they ask, and they get it. Yes, you can ask just like that, and you may get it. You increase your chances of getting it. When you think about what you're asking, think about what you're asking for. Is it really what you want for yourself? Is it really going to take you where you want to go? Nothing worse than asking for something, getting it and not being able to leverage it, and that happens a lot. So making sure that you don't lose your credibility by asking for something that you think you want, but you haven't spent the time to think it through, and you actually. Don't want it or are not ready to leverage it yet, and so you lose that opportunity to showcase your ability to ask and to deliver on what you've asked for. It is not true that if you ask, it will be given on to you. Sometimes it is given on to you, but you can improve your chances that it is given onto you by improve the way in which you ask for it, the processes that you put in place. Before you get to the ask. And the key though is that if you never ask, it's less likely that it will be given onto you. So go out and take these five Ws, n n h, and go and ask for what you want at work in your personal life, in your community, and anywhere you go ask for it because you deserve it and there's no other way to get it. If you're not prepared to ask for it, only you know the desires of your heart, bring that out, clarify it. Develop the courage and confidence to ask for it. Go through the process to ask appropriately. Then when you get it, deliver on it. If you asked for a leadership role, go and do a great job in that leadership role. Build your credibility. Showcase who you are, the image, the credibility, build those relationships, share your accomplishments, and keep asking and keep growing. See you next time. Thank you for listening to this episode of Upskill Talks. We bring you new episodes every Monday. Please take a moment to subscribe. 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