Michel Shah 0:00

Welcome to upSkill Talks brought to you by McGraw Hill. I'm your host, Michel Shah lead UpSkiller at UpSkill Community. UpSkill Talks is a podcast for leaders, leaders who are actively seeking innovative and creative ways to interact lead themselves and others. In every episode, through real life stories and enlightening conversations, we will explore the challenge. And opportunities real leaders face in today's everchanging workplace. We will present you with real strategies for you to leverage your soft skills and produce transformative results. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let us begin.

0:49

This is episode number 70. And in this episode, we're going to discuss. Huh. You can measure your confidence. Using five milestones. Confidence is not one thing. And it's certainly not one thing to all people. But more than anything, we know that developing confidence and building confidence at higher and higher levels is a journey. And for some people. It can be a linear journey where you begin and you just grow it from one step to the other. But for most people, confidence is not a linear pathway. It has its ups and downs. We get thrown sideways and we have to start all over again. That's the reality for most people when we're developing our confidence. And so today I want to spend some time talking to us about how we identify these milestones in our confidence and how we grow from step to step building confidence from one milestone to the other, so that we develop this incredibly important skill. That everyone wants to have. And that has so many benefits for us. want to share a story with you about south. Sal is a very brilliant man Soule. I'm referring to him as sound. This is not his correct name. How's it been working as a senior accountant professional for one of our top banks. Sal was educated in global universities, both in north America and in the UK top credentials, across the scope in accounting and financial management. Sally's working with this big bank and has a huge team. And he's revered in the quality of his work. Outside of work. Sal began to help out people whom he knew. With accounting at tax time. So we started to do few taxes for people. He did it for free and people started telling their friends about it and more people started coming. And so he was doing a lot of taxes for free. Saudi and feel confident enough to ask them. To pay him for his services. He didn't feel confident enough to ask for payment. And so Sal did all this until he was overwhelmed at tax time with the amount of free work he had to do at that point, Sal decided to pull back and say, I can't do it anymore. I don't have the time. At that point, people started to say to Sal. But I really enjoy how you did your tag. My taxes. You're the one that's done my taxes, the best. I really need you to do my taxes. And then he becomes aware that people are actually enjoying the quality of his service. So then Sal decides to charge a fee. He charged. Such a minimal fee that it was as close to no fee as possible. The fee was so, so low. And so it did not reduce the number of people that came to him for taxes. And he soon became overwhelmed again. This time, Salud becomes overwhelmed and he decides, you know what, I'm not going to do this. I'm just going to do it free for a few people after all. It's not my full-time work. So Sal did it. A few people for free, and now he got some new people on board. One of the people that he did this work with was a guy named Jack. He did the taxes for Jack and somehow he made a mistake. And Jack had some issues with his taxes. Jack came and really gave him full on wrath for the mistake. And poor Sally could not believe it. He could not believe how angry Jack was with him because he thought they were friends. And so poor Sal decided I'm not doing taxes for anyone again. And so he stopped. A couple of years later, people started saying to him, no, no, nobody else is doing our taxes the way you used to do it. Police charge me and do my taxes. He was so delighted to hear this positive feedback. He couldn't believe people actually valued his work. People actually cared about what he was doing and people were willing to pay him more than he was asking for. So now having learned all of this from them, he now knows the quality of the work and he actually started to charge a reasonable rate. Pore Sal could not believe that all of his clients were coming back. Even add to this more reasonable rate. And so he learned a lot from that. And his business started to grow as his business group. WhatsApp noticed where there are a lot of people coming into his business who were suffering from the same challenges he was suffering with at the beginning, not feeling comfortable to charge a fee. And so making the fee as low as possible. With the hopes that you'll get people on board. And so Sal saw an opportunity to start to sow the seeds of confidence. In the new partners who came in with no or low confidence. Does that story sound familiar to you? Do you know, someone who has a similar challenge, really struggling, whether they're a freelancer contractor, business owners, struggling to charge the right fee, a reasonable fee for the quality services they offer. If you know them, and this story is for you. And we're going to now talk about. How to move yourself from low and no confidence through these different milestones until you are able to sow the seeds of confidence in others. So first things first. Everybody can build confidence. Confidence is a skill that we can all learn and we can learn, and we can master at higher and higher levels and be able to leverage in all aspects of our lives. But if you decide to develop confidence, it's going to be important that you give yourself. Space and to grace. Space to make mistakes space to start over space, not to feel guilty or hurt. Or destroyed. When you make a mistake. A lot of people who are building up their confidence. Once they hit a glitch, they fall right back and they justified and they say, I knew it. I knew I couldn't do it. I shouldn't have tried it. I don't know why I went and did that. And they talk themselves out of getting up and going again. This is a really important part. I have been doing presentations with, participants who. Build up the courage. Do the presentation prepare all the work and they get ready to go and do it. And they get up and suddenly they feel nervous or something and they fumble. And that's it. I'm never doing a presentation again. You've got to give yourself the space and the grace in advance that if I make a mistake, I'm going to get up and do it again. I'm going to be okay. Now confidence, as I said means different things to different people. And in our world, confidence is very gendered. Gendered in the sense that the confidence that we have, the research suggests that men, for instance, applying for a job, they only need to meet 50% of the criteria. And they'll go ahead and apply. Women on the other hand, the research suggests need to hit 100% of the criteria before they even apply. Now. The research suggests this. I want to clarify for you that not, not all men and not all women respond or have confidence equally. There are some men immigrant men. Trans men. Many different men who don't feel the confidence that the average man feels and perhaps. Previously marginalized men. I may also not feel that confidence. Likewise, there are some women who will hit it at 50% and others who will hit it. Even when they're 80%, even when they're 25%, they will hit it. So when we take this information, we treated with a grain of salt, understanding that the journey is not the same for all of us. And we don't deal with confidence in big groups, but that it's an individual journey. But this journey. It's not a destination. We're always on this journey. And the, what I want you to know is when you make a mistake, Get back up and go again. So this story of Sal that I walked you through is what I'm going to use to talk a little bit about where you are in your confidence journey and what steps you can take. If you're finding yourself at the beginning of your confidence journey, no. Or low confidence. Really the important thing for you to do is to go back to episode six to six and take a look at intention, setting the goal, defining the scope, looking at who you are, looking at, what you bring to the table, looking at what is the reason you want to go and pursue this confidence. Understanding what confidence is and how it works. That would be a starting point for you. The bottom line is. If you are low or no confidence, you can grow your confidence. You can grow your confidence by taking very simple steps. Those are the steps I outlined in episode six to six, six to seven and 68. No or low confidence, you can grow past other people in their confidence. If you're serious about it, if you give yourself the opportunity to practice and if you make it something that you commit yourself to. The bottom line is if you're a freelancer, if you're a consultant, if you're a business person or so on, when you have no confidence in what you do. And you don't feel the courage to charge for what you do. You are double this advantage in yourself because you are making people feel like you don't have the right value attached to your service. And it may mean that they can read clearly. That you don't even value what you're offering. Because they may perceive it to be a higher value than you're charging for it. And they may know the marketplace better than you. So take some time. At the low and no stages to do yourself analysis, to look at what your strengths are. What's your weaknesses are what opportunities you can leverage because of your strengths and what threats may get in the way, because of your weaknesses. That's an important thing to do when you're feeling no or low confidence. As well. It's important that you start to get feedback from people. How am I doing on this? Go out and get that feedback because that may help you to balance out how you're feeling about yourself or what you offer. And thirdly, when you get the feedback, take it. I knew a lot of people that struggle with confidence. If you say to them, you are really good at this. They're like, no, I'm not, no, I don't deserve this. So in our stories south, for instance, he also, apart from doing taxes on the side, he has a full-time job. And one of the things that we found out about sound was that solid. When it's time for his promotion, he would consistently say to his supervisor, No, it's not about the money for me. Don't worry about it. We don't have to worry about it. I'm not comfortable talking about money. But later on when Sal had exposure to the salaries of his teammates, when Sal realized that his most senior accountant was almost making the same amount of money as him, that supervise it and this massive team. He was gutted. He was hurt. He felt betrayed. But he is the one that said he didn't need the money, the money wasn't important to him. Very likely he, senior accountant was asking for more and demanding more and not accepting less. So when you're feeling no or low, remember. You are worthy. You bring value, know what that value is, know what you deserve for it. Whether you desire it or not, you deserve it. And stand up for what you believe in and stand up for what you're worth. That's what I recommend when you're no or low and go back and follow the steps. To move yourself forward. As you move your confidence forward. I really important thing is that you get into the growth stage. So from no too low, you begin to grow as you follow the steps. I just suggested. A really important thing for you to know is that confidence is fragile. And as you just beginning your growth, that's the time when you're most vulnerable to really damage in your confidence. So make sure that you are protecting yourself. And again, I'm going to keep saying it, give yourself space and grace to make mistakes. To forgive yourself to be gracious to say that's okay, I'll go again. We had a neighbor once. Who had a plan to cook three fantastic dishes. There were really three. Ambitious dishes to do in one, go with no support in the kitchen. And there were like five of us in the kitchen, just talking and laughing and, and enjoying company while this. The neighbor was cooking. It was an overly ambitious agenda. And it was not even needed. Everyone was happy to just have pizza or just ordering some foods. But he wanted to really put on a big splash. He cooked these three dishes. But one item burned out of three. The other two were delicious, but one of them had a bird and he was so angry with himself. He spoiled the evening for everyone else. He could not. Go through with the dish. He threw it out. Even though everybody was saying how the wonderful, the other two dishes were. He just got stuck on the one that didn't go, how we planned it. And he could not get back up. He didn't hear anything about the other two that were amazing. He was stuck and he got lost in what did not go well. So part of what we have to do when we are trying to build our confidence, particularly when we're at this vulnerable stage. Is to make sure that's space that we give ourselves that grace, that we give ourselves is real because we give grace and space to others, but our own willing to give it to ourselves. If it were somebody else I'm confident, my neighbor would say, don't worry about it. Let's just order pizza or let's just eat these. Don't worry about that. But it could not extend that grace to himself. You've got to be able to extend that grace to yourself and the tip that I have when you are vulnerable, when you are just beginning to grow your confidence as this story highlights. Set realistic expectations. Byte something small, start small. Cook one meal. And make it great. Don't cook too, until you've done one and it was fabulous. Then next time. I do too. And make two fabulous. And then the next time go for three, go at your own pace, but go one step at a time. Building confidence is a process. It's a journey you don't need to go from step one to three. When you're in your vulnerable place, when you know your confidence is still fragile, don't overdo it. Don't overshoot. It don't overset. It. One single bite at a time. Build it. And when it's strong step on it, build another. That's one of the key things I want to share with you. So let's go back to our story of south. I told you that when Sal realized that his junior team members were making almost the same amount of money as him, he was gutted. And so he went now, he had the courage. Because his hurt his feelings. Now he had the courage to go and talk to his senior people. To move his income. When Sal was going for that meeting, Sal took some time to reflect on what value he brought to the organization. He stopped to think about his credentials, his exposure, all the experiences you've had, the fact that he was able to use different kinds of accountants systems, that he was great to supervise in his team. All of these things that Sal didn't bother to think about before he was able to sit and make a note of those and map. Those out, consolidate those and be able to tell a story to his supervisor about the great work and results he was having in his organization. And the why this should never happen, that there needed to be. A difference between what his team members were making and what he was making. What Sal did eventually. I helped him to know the value that he brings. This is important for confidence. And this is something that you can start doing right now. When was the last time you pause to just map out your accomplishments, your contributions to the organization. Just the value that you bring, what the strengths you are more recently, we had a session at upscale community talking about our optimal range, the range. That we function in the skills and knowledge and experiences, how broad our ranges. Are you able to sit and reflect on your range, the effort you bring, the qualities you bring, the accomplishments, the value that you add to your teammates, to your organization. When, you know that. You are feeling more confident than when you're running around moving widgets and onshore of who you are and what you bring to the table. This is an important piece when you know that. And when you are part of a community of people who share that back to you, who hold the mirror and help you to understand the better to clarify, and to fill gaps in terms of your own understanding of the value you bring, that helps you to know who you are. And that really helps you to grow your confidence more and more. That's going to be important because confidence is not common. A lot of people struggle with confidence. So those of us who know the value of building out our confidence will have the opportunity to help to sow the seeds of confidence. For others. Confidence is lacking across the organization top to bottom sideways. From early childhood, up to higher education across all industries. When you have a way of going through and building your own confidence of getting back up, when you get hit down. Of understanding that the fact that something didn't go right today, it's no reflection of who you are. It's just something didn't work your on a journey. You may get knocked down. You're going to get back up. You're going to learn and you're going to go at it again. And you're going to take it one single bite at a time when you're in that place of understanding the importance of going at it, practicing, setting your intention, building your courage, taking the necessary action. And consistently reflecting on who you are and what you bring to the table. Realistically. When you do that, you will be able to grow your own confidence and be able to sow the seeds of confidence in other people. Remember. No confidence to low confidence. To grow in your confidence to know in your confidence to, so in your confidence, Five milestones to pay attention to as you grow your confidence. No low grow. No. So. Go on your confidential journey. And win for yourself and help others to win as well.

Michel Shah 21:49

Thank you for listening to this episode of UpSkill Talks brought to you by McGraw Hill. We bring you new episodes every Monday. Please take a moment to subscribe, leave a five star rating and a written review at apple podcast. Or follow us on. By Google podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts, don't forget to share UpSkill talks with other leaders like yourself. So they too may gain the skills and insights to produce amazing results. Please go to UpSkillCommunity.com to review show notes and learn how you can join a community of leaders from across the globe. Collaborating to lead in a more meaningful and impactful way. I'm your host, Michel Shah. And again, thank you for joining me on this episode of UpSkill Talks.