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this is episode six to seven. And in this episode, I'm going to be covering seven CS. That you need to develop courage. One of the ingredients in building your confidence. In the last episode I introduced to the C I a formula courage. Plus intention. Plus action equals confidence. Episode 66, we discussed the, I. In this formula for intention and how important it is to make sure that that intention is addressed before we jumped to thinking about what we want to be confident in. In this episode, I'm going to cover the sea, the sea for courage. The courage required to build your confidence.

Michel Shah 0:59

Welcome to upSkill Talks brought to you by McGraw Hill. I'm your host, Michel Shah lead UpSkiller at UpSkill Community. UpSkill Talks is a podcast for leaders, leaders who are actively seeking innovative and creative ways to interact lead themselves and others. In every episode, through real life stories and enlightening conversations, we will explore the challenge. And opportunities real leaders face in today's everchanging workplace. We will present you with real strategies for you to leverage your soft skills and produce transformative results. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let us begin.

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Self-confidence. Is an accurate and positive belief about your skills and abilities. We touched on this last episode, it means, you know, and trust your abilities based on proven experience. Now, remember that confidence is a skill and that means everyone can develop confidence. It is a skill that you can learn. You could master, you can measure where you are and you can leverage it once you've developed it to produce results that you desire and to deserve. But like any other skill, it does take time to build the confidence and to build it at higher and higher levels of competency. The research suggests that it takes about 10,000 hours to develop a skill. But don't you worry, you're not starting from the beginning with confidence. You are already on your confidence journey. So you have put in many thousands of hours already in building your confidence. And this is just a guide you to continue maybe to speed up or level up or up-skill yourself on that journey. And so what I want you to do is to listen to the next few tips that we're going to produce for you. To help you to invest more heavily in building on this critical. As we talked about in episode six to six, where we determined what it took to set our intention and to establish the goals and the processes to go after this confidence, it is much easier to set it, to determine what it is than it actually is to action. It. Courage is what comes between the intention and the action. It's what separates the people who become confident from those who don't. Courage. Is what you have to figure out. You need this to move you from the intention to the action, to develop courage. And so what we're going to do is to focus on everyday acts of courage. So there is the big courage that we hear about all the time, which is to climb Mount Everest, to save someone from drowning. To resuscitate someone to be that big hero that's televised and published all over. But what we're talking about in this episode was we acknowledged the big acts of courage. We're talking about everyday acts of courage in this episode. Please follow along as I share with you, some of the definitions. That I researched online of courage. See which definition resonates best with you, which ones you want to adopt for yourself and to help you on your courage journey. So here's one definition. It says the ability to do something that frightens you. That's one. I've clumped three definitions together for you. The second one is mental or moral strength to venture persevere and withstand the danger fare or a difficulty. And the third one is strength. In the face of pain and grief. So these three definitions of clumped together, the ability to do something that frightens you, that scares you, the courage, the strength to do the difficult thing, to deal with pain, to deal with grief, to persevere. To get through it. These all come together to describe the big C getting out of your comfort zone. This is a really, really important one. We cannot develop confidence to do something else sitting right where we are the confidence to do that thing comes in, moving from point a to point B. It means you have to take the necessary steps. But before we take that necessary step, we have to pause and think about who we are. First of all our intentions, but be clear about who you are. The imposture that's whispering in your head. You know, you can't do that. This is not for you. You're not that skillful, that person that's speaking in your head. We have to find that person as well. And to make sure that we're in control of that. We have to find the courage. We have to find that strength to come out from where we are to go after this thing that we need, which is this confidence. All right. So I want to make sure that we're figuring out what our self awareness knowledge is. Like. How aware are you all who you are? What you're about at what strengths you have that help you to develop confidence in the areas that you want to develop confidence in. If you remember from our definition of confidence in episode six to six, you're not going to become confident in all things. And that is why we had set the intention. In episode six to six to determine first, what is it that you want to become confident in? This courage requires you to determine what are the strengths you have that are going to help you to make, to take that step. We talked about this in the previous episode, but you need to go back and revisit that what is the support you're going to need? What are the weaknesses that are in the way? What are the obstacles that are unlikely to get in the way? Are you afraid of failure? Are you afraid? Do you lack the discipline? What is it that's going to prevent you from moving to the action component. This is what we've got to figure out here. Brenae brown has been studying courage for awhile and she puts one of the key pieces necessary. For us to be able to have courage to demonstrate courage is vulnerability. So opening up ourselves, putting ourselves out there, taking that risks. That's what this definition is asking for the ability to do something that frightens you. It's easy to develop courage when you are in relationships that you trust when you've built connections and nurtured these connections over time, it's easier to be vulnerable in those situations where you feel safe, where there is trust. Uh, where, you know, you can take the risks and the outcomes are not going to be devastated. It's much harder to be vulnerable in environments that are competitive in your workplace, where you're looking for upward mobility, where you want advancement and you don't know what the consequences of your vulnerability will be. That's the big risk. And so when we're talking about vulnerability, this is, does not mean to show up one day and put your entire life story out there. Everything has to be managed carefully and strategically to enter. But you're providing sufficient to put yourself out there, but that you're not destroying the opportunities for yourself in, so doing. And so that is one of the balances that you have to take, but you have to be willing to take the first step. Bite. It small bites, one little risk at a time, then try another, then learn and try another. That's going to be important because vulnerability is important for courage in the work of Brenae. Brown is very clear on this, and I want you to refer to that. And so now let's take a look at another definition. Have courage. So we've looked at the one that talks about doing something when it frightens you when there's pain and grief, and it's hard to do. The next one that I want to flag up is the choice courage as a choice and a willingness, willingness. This is sort of really looking at. Choices, the intention, the decision. Because you don't have to do it and not everyone does it. And if it were easy, everyone would do it. So that choice that sits with you, the choice to do the work, the choice to get up and go after it, the choice to take the risk, the choice to be vulnerable, the willingness to do what is required to get through to this confidence that you seek. And so remember that choice always comes with risks, possible pain, but there's also the reward. There is likely pleasure. And this is what you have to measure. So when you were thinking about taking risks, Start with the low hanging fruit you're on a zoom call. You're on a teams. Call you're on any virtual platform. Is your camera on? Are you not willing to take that risk because that's a simple one. Are you asking a question to get clarification? Are you adding your voice? Adding a perspective that you're clear on adding some experiences that you've had sharing a story. Are you willing to take that little risk? Are you joining in. And learning in new places. Are you interacting with new people, engaging in activities and cultures and experiments and exposure that you've never been part of? Are you taking the little risks, the low hanging fruit? 'cause then at every level we have to take greater and greater risks. Are you taking that risk for career advancement? There's this role, you know, you could do it, but you're feeling uncertain about yourself. You don't know how much you want to challenge yourself. Are you taking those risks? Because those risks are the low hanging fruit. And then I want to talk a little bit about what is most critical. For making the choice and to be in willing to do something because not every decision will be easy. Clarity of values. Renee Brown's definition of courage includes vulnerability as well as clarity of values and clarity of value sets decisions. That's how we know whether we're going to wake up early and get out there after it, or lie in bed some more and relax. That's how we know whether we start our day with a health routine, or we start our day with a work routine. It's about our values. That's how we know whether we have family over on the weekend, or we want to have a quiet time. It's all about our values. Whether we advocate for someone who is not able to advocate for themselves or not. These are things that define that demonstrate our values. And so for us, it's important for us to come to a place where we clarify what our values are. Because values, leave your imprint on anything you touch, whether you are clear about your values or not. All those are able to see by your actions, what your values are. When it comes to courage. The courage to do something, the willingness to make a decision, the willingness to try something, to take a risk, the choice to do or not to do that is where values sets being clear about your values. You're in a situation. And you decide to do the right thing. That's the value of integrity. You're in a situation and you decide to go with the crowd. I gained doing the right thing. That's a different value. It's so important that you are clear on your values because courage is going to sit on top of a values foundation. All right. So that's the second definition. So the first one we looked at was the ability to do something that frightens you. The second one we looked at was the choice. And willingness to do something, obviously something that's outside of your comfort zone, something that seems risky to you. Something that will challenge you. And the third definition I want to touch on is the ability to control fear. To control fear to be willing to deal with it. Whether it's dangerous. Some is difficult. Somethings unpleasant. Something's challenging. Controlling fair. And I really want you to recognize that this is about control. Not the absence of fear. So we are not going to get rid of our fair, not going to get rid of our nervousness, but how can we control it? So if it's that presentation that you need to do, if that promotion you need to go and ask for, if it's that. Um, approval that you need, whatever it is that you need, whatever it is that you need to ask or that person that you need to challenge their assumptions. Are you. Going to control the fear and show up composed. As if there is no fair, but absolutely everyone knows in those situations, there is some amount of fair. It's not whether you have fear or not. It's not whether you're nervous or not scared or not frightened or not. Anxious or not it's whether or not you can control those emotions and work through them. In spite of experience in them. That's where the courage comes from. And you're going to do that because the values you have are going to drive you, you're going to make you make the choice, define the willingness for you to be able to do something that frightens you even. So that's where that's going to come from. So when we're talking about controlling fear, Want you to think about fear? The F. For faith. For trust in. For going through. In faith. What is on the other end success or failure? Another F in failure. The F for feedback. If it's failure, failure is feedback. It gives you feedback about what worked well, what didn't work well, how to revisit it, how to revise it and how to come again. So you're not having anything to lose one. You're going to go in faith and the other, if it fails, you're going to get feedback and know how to do it better. The next time. Remember. Confidence is a skill in order to develop this skill you're going to need to put in thousands of hours. And that means you will need to learn on learn relearn. You will need to try some things, take some risks and yes, you're not going to succeed at everything. But treat the F in failure as feedback, that's going to support you to revisit, to revise and to reimagine and to go again stronger and better. And as you go through that loop, that cycle of learning from failure, from feedback. You're going to get better and better, and this is the courage to keep doing that, to keep going for it, to keep taking the risks, to get that feedback, to incorporate that feedback, to revise, to reflect, to reimagine and to go again. That's where your confidence is going to come from confidence, not only in the outcome, but also in the process and in the person that you're becoming as a result of learning. So that's going to be important and you can't do that. If you don't trust the process. You have to believe. You have to trust the process that if you keep doing these things, it's only a matter of time before the results you're looking for will show up at your door. You have to believe that not everyone gets the results at the same time. Some get it faster for some, it takes a longer period of time. But if you keep doing and learning and improving and going after it and having the courage to stay the course. The results you're looking for will come to you. They're on their way to you. Keep going. That's going to be important that trust. That's the only way you're going to build a competence, getting better at something, keep going after it. And you need courage to do that. And even when you're failing. And learning, having to unlearn and remember courage means we know this is a painful process. We know there is pain. We know there's fear. There's anxiety there's hurt. It means working through all of that and maintaining your composure as you go through all of that. Okay. So let's review some of the CS we've talked about. We've talked about controlling fear. We've talked about maintaining your composure. We've talked about clarity of values. We've talked about choice. And the willingness we've talked about your comfort zone coming out of it. We've talked about working and demonstrating courage in competitive environments. We've talked about the importance of connections, where you can feel vulnerable and come out. So we're really showing you some seeds that will help you with your courage. And now, and of course competence is that one. The last one we just touched on. So I want you to understand that the courage bills as you learn. As you learn from feedback, as you notice, what's happening to you, as you reflect on what you're learning, what the lessons and the mistakes are teaching you, as you look at and revise what you need to unlearn as you choose the right context and the right people to try out, to test and be more and more vulnerable with. As you think about the pool that you're in. And whether or not you're in the right pool to take the bigger steps to get the right encouragement. Remember, Jim Rohn says we're the average of the six people we are around. Do you have the. The power around you to give you that courage to move forward. Are people around you taking bold steps, taken risks that encourage and inspire you and motivate you to do the same? So want to think about that? And lastly. It's so important in terms of courage. That as you come out of your comfort zone to do something that you take an honest look at the contribution that you're making and effectively and accurately validate your own contribution, that's going to give you the courage, what contribution is needed in this space. What can you make understanding that what you're doing to build your confidence is able to contribute to others. Courage is not only for you. Courage is for you and it supports others around you. And that is supposed to inspire you that by building your own courage, you're supported in contributing to others around you. And that's going to be a really important. Way for you to think as you're building your courage. And so I want to say that. As we touched it at the beginning. Uh, this episode is focused on everyday acts of courage. And so I want you to be thinking about the ways in which you are already demonstrating courage. Give yourself credit for that. As I said, we're not starting at the beginning of this journey. You're already on the journey. So pause and think about what are those everyday acts of courage. But you are already demonstrated. And then what are the things you want to achieve that may require you to consider more courageous, moves, more courageous ways of thinking of acting. More courageous risk taken. More courageous ways of disclosing and opening up yourself. These are all very difficult things for us to do. As I want to share a story. That I heard about three courageous leaders. Bob salmon soup. There, these are not their real names. They all three working in an organization. And in this organization, it hires. And engages primarily with members of the white community. And they've become conscious that their organization is not intentionally making the effort to become inclusive. And so what they decided to do is to strategize together, to see if they could put some. Systems in place to support the inclusion of others from other communities. And. Every strategy they proposed got rejected. And they decided three strategies got rejected. So they decided to consult members of other communities to support them in their strategies. And they're brought those strategies and those strategies got rejected. The three leaders decided to go into their own pockets and pay for an advisor to support them in device, in their strategy. And did they put the first strategy in and it's still got rejected. And they are still working with their advisors. To help them with strategies. To inspire their organization to become more inclusive. This takes real courage to be in an organization and to have to stand out in that way and to push against the grain. To open up the organization to something that the world is looking at. And the world is seen as something beneficial to the bottom line and to human interactions. Now that. Act of courage. Is helping them live their values because clearly inclusion is a value of theirs, but it's also going to help the organization to hit other organizational values and meet some of the standards or expectations of the broader community. So you can see that your courage. Is one way that you support your own values and move yourself forward, but it's also a way that you help others around you, who may not feel as courageous as you and may not even know how to move forward in these ways. So I want you to be thinking about what ways are you being courageous already and what acts of courage are you seeing around you that you can begin to recognize applaud and commend? So are you opting out of conversations? That say on kind things about others. It takes courage to walk away and said, I don't want to be part of that. Are you adding your voice to difficult conversations, sharing your perspectives? Are you standing up for someone who is being bullied, where you are and you know, that this person is not. Yet at the place that they have the courage to stand up for themselves. Are you practicing to tell the truth, even when it's painful? For you to tell it or for someone else to hear. Are you giving your fair, share your reasonable contribution to whether it's a work, your community, your family. Are you doing your part that takes courage? Are you admitting mistakes when you make them, are you apologizing to people who you have done wrong? Are you giving credits to people who have earned their credit? And not try to take people's credit away from them. Are you turning on your cameras? Are you showing up for yourselves? Are you representing yourself so that you can be known as well? Are you asking a question from a different perspective? Are you saying I do not have an answer when you don't have it. It takes courage sometimes to not have an answer. And are you asking for help when you have something that you need to do? Where you need support. Guidance. Are you able to develop the courage to seek help? That stuff to do for a lot of people. Are you opening doors for people who are absent from the spaces within your organization? Within your community within your club, are you looking around and recognizing there are some people missing from here and I'm going to open up spaces for them. Are you making space to take care of yourself? Or are you just on a treadmill looking after others? It takes courage to set boundaries and to say, no. To others so that you can say yes to yourself. Are you getting clear on your values, knowing what you stand for, what you don't stand for and standing for what you stand for? And are you sticking up for yourself? Sticking up for your goals for your feelings and for your own needs. Are you. Learning a new skill. Pushing yourself forward. Or building on a skill that you started and left behind revisiting that skill and building on yourself. Are you sharing your ideas with others so that they can learn so that we can all learn together? This is very important because having courage is not just something that we say. It's something that we do, having courage means acting when others are afraid of the danger, afraid of the risks, it means acting in spite of your fare in spite of your anxiety in spite off, or that you're feeling inside. That's what courage is. And that's where we wrap it up in this episode. And in the next episode, We're going to continue our conversation of the C I, a confidence building formula. I see for courage. I, for intention we've covered already now. And in the next episode, we're going to turn our attention. To the actions that are necessary to build our confidence.

Michel Shah 27:07

Thank you for listening to this episode of UpSkill Talks brought to you by McGraw Hill. We bring you new episodes every Monday. Please take a moment to subscribe, leave a five star rating and a written review at apple podcast. Or follow us on. By Google podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts, don't forget to share UpSkill talks with other leaders like yourself. So they too may gain the skills and insights to produce amazing results. Please go to UpSkillCommunity.com to review show notes and learn how you can join a community of leaders from across the globe. Collaborating to lead in a more meaningful and impactful way. I'm your host, Michel Shah. And again, thank you for joining me on this episode of UpSkill Talks.